San Francisco

Before heading to San Fran, I had a layover in Denver. While our plane was getting ready to hit the Tarmac from Charlotte to Denver, they announced that the mechanics had to change one of our tires (After taking a peak out my window, I was able to see that our plane had 2 giant tires on each side--I'll get back to this). After waiting about 25 minutes for the crew to change our tire, I noticed one of the mechanics looking up at me. My guess is that he was the proverbial boner of the group and didn't have much to offer the team so he just stood there pretending to know what was going on.  As I prayed to the lord that the crew was competent enough to replace the tire, my mind began racing: What if, immediately after we took off, the crew realized that the tire they replaced wouldn't hold up for our landing (Per my previous note, this new tire represents 25% of our landing gear and 100% of my fate). What the hell would the airline do? Tell the pilot to land on water? Crash-landing in a field somewhere in Iowa? Risk landing with three tires? Once I got past the point of planning my own death and coming to terms with it, I realized how awesome of a movie it'd be. Con Air meets Snakes on a Plane meets Air Force One. I can already picture the most gripping scene in the movie right now: Samuel L. Jackson interrupts Nick Cage and Harrison Ford in the middle of a "how to save the most passengers" argument..."Im'a get these mother fuckers on the mother fuckin' ground!"

Needless to say, the plane landed without incident (sorry Michael Bay) and my layover in Denver was entirely uneventful. I landed in San Fran a few hours later...

I putzed around Berkeley for a couple days (and uhhh... did...."work") before venturing into the City by the Bay.  Berkeley is home to one of the bigger University of Cal campuses and least amount of parking spots per square mile. Highlight of Berkeley:

-I ate at an Italian restaurant on campus one night and they had the below "if you don't get laid after taking a girl here, you won't ever get laid" menu item: 

I'm wondering how many unplanned pregnancies and subsequent failed marriages stemmed from this Pandora's box of disaster.


After arriving in San Fran, I parked at Fisherman's Wharf and walked south into the city. Since I have absolutely no sense of direction, I decided to find a nearby landmark to use as a marker for where I parked. I made the mistake of using a bike shop that said "Bike tours to the Golden Gate Bridge" as my point of reference (a later Google search returned 78 hits for "Golden Gate bike tours").  Fifteen miles later, I made it back to my car. Highlights of my journey:

-While waiting at a crosswalk, a slight breeze came through the area. A woman looked at me with the universal "brrrr, it's cold" look (shoulders shrugged,  blowing into cupped hands) and said "boy, I feel bad for the homeless TONIGHT!" (with a firm emphasis on TONIGHT). Good point lady.  I was sold on the whole idea of homelessness until you mentioned the cold. 

-A guy working the cable car tried to convince a 12 year old Chinese girl that he was a better basketball player than Michael Jordan. His exact line? Well, if you go into the "archives", you'll see he was always "gliding at the top of the key". Listen, pal. This girl (and the rest of the cable car, for that matter) cares about your basketball skills about as much as Charlie Sheen cares about doing coke with someone other than a porn star and/or hooker.

-I saw a rainbow. What does it mean?

-I got insanely lost in San Francisco.  This was actually part of the plan--I wanted to see as much of the city as possible, and wandering around with no idea as to where I was or where I was going seemed like the best idea.  Needless to say, I had plenty of time to...well...just watch the below video and you'll have an idea of exactly how much time I had on my hands.

All in all, I liked San Fran a lot. Not sure I could make it out there given the high cost of living, number of steep hills to walk within the city, and the overwhelming number of hippies, but it's a great place to visit. Also, say what you will about the whole "East Coast Bias" when it comes to the time of the day events occur, but I've got no problem watching college football starting at 9 a.m. on Saturdays, having my Sunday night NFL game wrap up before 9 p.m. and watching daily NBA match-ups starting at 4 p.m.