four things i don't want you doing in a bathroom at work

1) answering your phone while taking a number two...


-i don't care how important the call is. also, i don't care if you speak a different language so i can't understand what you're saying. as far as i'm concerned, if you are answering your phone while taking a poop and speaking another language, you are a terrorist. isnt that how 9/11 got started anyways?

2) brushing your teeth...

-anytime i see someone brushing their teeth in the bathroom at my office, i can feel them giving me one of those "ahh...my teeth are sooo important that i have to brush them three times a day" looks. unless you eat a lot of cabbage or chain-smoke, twice a day is enough. which brings me to my next point...

3) eating cabbage or chain-smoking(see point number two, pun intended)...

4) holding a conversation above and beyond, "hey, how's it going"...

-point in case, last week i was caught in a bathroom love triangle. two guys walked in together (also a 'no-no') and continued their conversation. the conversation continued to the point where one guy sat down in a stall at the north sector of the bathroom and the other stood at a urinal on the south border of the bathroom. me? well i was at the central part of the bathroom. picture our hypothetical pooper canada, our hypothetical pisser mexico, and me....topeka, kansas. i was caught between the two, trying to take care of business and just couldn't concentrate. don't be a jerk. don't do this.